Day 35

Yesterday I did not speak out loud until Kelle called. I simply wanted solitude. Today I am also feeling the need to not go to senior center duty. I don’t know why I’m needing these separations from familiar routine and I am. It’s scary when there is nothing waiting to take the place. Nature abhors a vacuum and I seem to be creating one. Change is pressing on my consciousness. Usually I know why it’s time to move on.

Day 34

I don’t want to go to church. I’m feeling that I don’t belong there, again. Same kind of feeling I had when I left before only this time I have a basis for it. Their mission is the homeless and I don’t want to go there. Also, the tiny congregation makes me feel vulnerable because I don’t want to be part of anything except the service. Oh well. Two good walks yesterday and I want to walk again today.

Day 33

If the everlasting rain gives me a break, I will get out and take a walk. I know that the only exercise yesterday was getting in and out of my chair. Not OK. I could sweep and dust. That could count as exercise. It is supposed to rain for the week ahead and I know the gray gets to me. The light box is sitting right here. Time to plug it in and get a dose of vitamin D. 

Day 32

Feeling better this morning. I have a long grocery list that I will fill early while the store is quiet. Senior news will arrive but I won’t distribute it until Tuesday.   I did call Tonda and there has not been a call back yet. Maybe there is no better alternative to Actenol so I won’t take any supplement. That’s fine with me. My bruised shin is better too, sore but not interfering with walking. Getting well by the inch.

Day 31

That’s what I did all day, doze. This morning I feel better and I want to get out for duty. David Johnson is busy liquidating my account and that will be over. I do like the idea of only having two accounts. It’s simpler and more convenient. Today I will call Tonda and say I won’t take Actonel any longer. I’m sure it’s causing the pain and the stomach problem. I will heal my bones with food and exercise.

Day 30

Susanne is leaving next week for a new life. Kevin gave me the job of moving money again. Hope it goes smoothly. Don’t want any dealings with the IRS. My shin is still sore and the swelling is less. I’m wondering if I injured it with the leg weights or if I bumped it. Today I feel the need to nest. Might be the rain but more likely the weary and unwell feelings. Want to curl up and doze.

Day 29

Feeling weary and unwell this morning. Maybe a cold coming. Achy body and head. Kevin is coming this morning to talk about an investment that will bring more than 31 cents a month as the savings account produces. Later Susanne is coming. She sounds like her life is changing, and a decision is made. I’m sorry for her long limbo with Tim. I see her in southern CA where her kids live. She has another granddaughter on the way. 

Day 28

I’m back to the senior center duty today. I admit I enjoyed a week off. As I feel stronger, I get restless for something new to do. I want to meet new people, learn a new duty, spread out a little. This community depends on volunteers to keep non-profits alive. Must be something out there that would use my skills and time in a productive and interesting way. I promised to search in April and that is nearly here.

Day 27

Everett Allen suggested that I do weight training for my bone strengthening. He said jolting is good for bones. So, I can jump off the steps with hand weights and get them both at the same time. I am building up my body and making good choices about time, food, and attitude. I am preparing to enter my eighth decade fit, trim, and feisty. This is a doable goal and my intention is strong. The Force be with me.

Day 26

Three walks yesterday for over 7000 steps. Some were in granny gear but every one counts. I bought a yellow pansy to honor the first day of Spring and put one at Sandi’s door. Hope it wasn’t beaten by the wind. Today the house needs my attention both inside and out. I cut up the lemon tree for easier removal. I want another Eureka lemon tree. The Meyer is doing fine and I miss the smaller more fragrant ones. 

Day 25

We had lunch at SuperFly. Hollie had a gorgeous fish taco that she loved. I made a good choice with a garden burger that was delicious. We both filled our lists and then some things we didn’t know we wanted until we saw them. Today I will walk down to pick up my 2013 tax documents and write checks and then walk back to the post office and hope that is done for the year. The orchids need attention.

Day 24

Hooray for Vernal equinox. I’m enjoying the morning light. Started yesterday with a walk and will do that again today. I am taking the day off from senior center duty so that Hollie and I can go to Brookings for recreational shopping and lunch. I have a list of items to look for. We might find a new lunch spot. I enjoy time with her and we have fun doing ordinary routines. It’s another way that I nurture comfort. 

Day 23

I walked the amended tax documents to the post office and they are off, I hope. Today I will nurture comfort with a visit to Sarah for one of her deep massages. She finds the knots and unravels them. The nutrition class was good. I told part of my health story, the symptoms part, and hope by sharing that someone else won’t have to go through it. I regret the damage I am restoring caused by lack of information.

Day 22

Rob asks: “How do I nurture comfort?” One thing I know for sure is that unfinished business that is not under my control causes anxiety and stress that leaves no room for comfort. The tax issue weighs heavily and Jeff is providing no information on the progress of clearing it up. Today I will go to the office and say, What’s going on? Friends and laughing nurture comfort. Yesterday the long fun conversations with Ellen and Sharon were comforting.

Day 21

Damp morning. Good for the pea seeds. The dogs go to the groomer this morning and while they are gone, the floors will get a sweep and mop. Start Monday with intention to build up energy and enthusiasm. After senior center duty, I will pursue the column on political opinion among older citizens. I’m amazed at how many people don’t think about it at all. Our isolated geography makes the local elections seem more important than state or national.

Day 20

Full moon and a full day coming. First church service, then fiesta, then back to church. The historical society is honoring volunteers at a Mexican fiesta this afternoon. I enjoy meeting with the other volunteers. The parties are the only time I get to see some of them. The board is getting ready to reopen for the season and the welcome back if a good start. Then a Taize service this evening. Lovely chant-like singing. Soft meditative musical experience. 

Day 19

The full moon was shining through the skylight in the back porch so brightly that I thought I had left the light on. Now the fog is down to the ground dampening sound as well as air. I accomplished a lot yesterday and feel good about doing so. Sandi is moving into the little house today to stay for four to six weeks. She needs space from her family and I’m glad to have a safe place for her.

Day 18

Progress yesterday. Hope I found enough information to get the IRS issue settled. I don’t like having big deals like that unfinished. Today I have a long list of errands and shopping and am looking forward to getting it done. Then I will work on the April column for senior news about politics. A short survey with five questions will give me a trend of opinions. Maybe another walk, weeding time, planning for the yard, and enjoying the day.

Day 17

Yesterday morning’s spring fever turned into a real fever and the day was flat. Oh darn. One of the best weather days and I couldn’t even sit on the porch because the glare hurt my head. And yet I push on toward health and well-being. After senior center duty I want to stop and buy garden soil to fill the container for the kale and investigate mesh material for protection from lepidoptera for the plants. And buy pea seeds.

Day 16

Looking forward to having dirt under my fingernails again today. I’m going to invent a net cover for the dino kale container. Also pea seeds will go into the soil by the fence where they did so well a couple of years ago. Tulips, daffodils, the first rhody, and lush new green leaves on the lilac tree all tell the season and it is welcome. The nutrition class is interesting and no new information. I want food as medicine.

Day 15

Did get a walk at the park and to Sandi Li’s office. She is a longtime friend that I don’t see for years and then we find we are on the same page. She wants to come and live in the little house for a month on a healing retreat for herself. She is welcome to come. The little house is perfect for privacy and quiet reflection. My dear old clock gave up its bong. I will miss it.

Day 14

Woke up without a tinge of headache or visual disturbance. It’s going to be a good day. I thought of a column idea for senior news. The editor wants politics as a theme. I’m thinking of taking a mini-survey of older people to ask what seniors would like politicians to do for them. There are going to be more of us all the time and if we voted as a block, we could make a difference. Must walk today.

Day 13

I am in serious need of changing the way I spend time. I can’t seem to break the habit of falling into the comfort zone without so much as a twitch of resistance. What I need is alternatives such as a social life or a creative project. The lonely part of me does not reach out. There is a phone, and a computer to send an e-mails and instead I watch the clock tick off another day of life.

Day 12

Hmm… Open moment. I am willing to change old habits and beliefs into positive intentions. Since March 1^st, I have committed to making good food choices rather than call my plan weight reduction. Food as medicine appeals to me as I restore the essentials in my body. My new sweet evening treat is cream of rice with raisins. A lot better than Ben and Jerry and leaves me self-respect. The exercise bit is still lacking. I am making progress.

Day 11

Low yesterday. Remnants of the three-alarm migraine took their toll. I signed up for a nutrition class at the Adventist Church. Eight Tuesday evenings. I like their classes and know that they do as they preach about taking care of their health. Today I have errands and shopping that I hope to accomplish early in case of energy disconnect. The floors deserve a sweep-up. I enjoy my home and like it to shine. The yard needs a good weeding.

Day 10

I talked with Fr. David about giving up regret for the years of undiagnosed and treated unwellness. He suggested silence. Oriah suggests living with it and letting it come up when it wants to. She says we are designed for healing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am angry that all the years, doctors, tests, time lost, and then finally an answer. Now I am working at restoring health to get the most out of the rest of my life.

Day 9

Woke with a serious migraine that is receding thanks to an imitrex injection. I found that I only have two refills left so one job today is ordering more. I don’t like to get low on this medication. It will be OK to be less than buoyant today as it is Ash Wednesday and I will go to church for the reminder of my mortality. Since it is cold and rainy, the rest of the day will be flat.

Day 8

We talked, we read, we wrote, we toured Chris’ house and the changes she has made. We had tea and cookies. It was the best way I know to spend a rainy afternoon. Today I will get my 77 Words blog book from the PO. I’m looking forward to volume two of my history books. Then Karen can use her skills to help my healing process. She uses a variety of massage therapies as she listens to her intuition. 

Day 7

Yesterday Fr. David said I looked as if I’m feeling better. I am. My cheeks are pink without the help of blush. I am trusting the process of restoration of both iron stores and bone mass. I know that what I am doing with food, weights, and exercise routine is working. Today out in the rain for senior center duty followed by J Street Writers at Chris’ house. I look forward to our get-togethers. I am blessed with friends.

Day 6

The spring day on Saturday brought another round of rain. The streets are shiny in the street lights. It’s warm. I followed through on yesterday’s thought about connecting and sent e-mails to friends that I want to stay in touch with. Also took out note cards and they are sitting on the address book. I will not let them suffer the same fate as the valentines that are safely tucked into a drawer hoping to be used next year. 

Day 5

Yesterday brought an hour long conversation with Eileen. It reminded me how quickly we can lose track of each other without a regular time. I saw Eileen every week when I volunteered in her gallery. Then the gallery closed. I have good friends and want to keep them. That takes connecting regularly. The senior news was distributed by noon yesterday. Also grocery shopping and my energy was gone. It’s OK. I spent the afternoon with old movies including Casablanca.