day 310

Yesterday was great. The shopping trip to Brookings produced what we wanted. The dogs have a new cache of bones, Hollie picked up a few things, Kelle found what she wanted, and so did I. You can’t beat that! On the way back we had lunch at Sea West and enjoyed every bite. Then a long walk in spite of the cold wind. Today the senior news will be distributed along with a couple of errands. Very good days.

Day 309

The rain changed the plans yesterday and Kelle opted for reading while I was away. Later we walked in the rain to buy a bottle of Menage a trois wine as recommended by Sarah. Today we are going to meet Hollie and trek to Brookings with a stop in Smith River for Mexican lunch on the way back. I have a short list for freddy including dog bones and a look at the sale racks. Walking will happen too.

Day 308

     

Getting into routine today. Kelle will get up earlier than usual and we will get a long walk. Then I’ll get myself together for senior center duty and she will decide either to take me and keep the car for a visit to Walker Road, or sand the rust off the kerosene tank. That’s her project for this visit. The weeding in the little yard is on the list to get done before Rachel comes back on the first.

Day 307

It was a day of rest and relaxation. Today is damp outside but warm inside. I’m ready to make a list of chores and changes and see what happens. I want Kelle to get the rest she needs. Getting away from the rush and routine is healing for her. I have soup on the stove, bread ready for garlic butter. That’s dinner. Applewood smoked bacon is ready for breakfast along with the potatoes that didn’t bake yesterday, and eggs.

Day 306

The plane was late. Nothing unusual about that. There she was ready for a hug and a hamburger. Took care of both of those items quickly. Kelle settled in and we went for a long walk for a bottle of wine. Today we will shop for groceries and she will have a massage from Sarah. It’s good to have her here. She stimulates me and gets me moving. I started planning what places need to be sorted and changed.

Day 305

Wonderful Christmas family day! Started with Megan and her work friend picking me up at 7:30.  It was beautiful in Hiouch with the river sparkling in the sun. Breakfast was fragrant when we arrived, bacon in the oven while Hollie put the frittata together. We chatted and enjoyed being together. Later we packed up dogs and went to the beach for a long walk followed by making dinner. All good. This morning Kelle flies in for her 10^th visit.

Day 304

We had a wild squall just as Hollie was driving in for the shopping trip. Her wipers were turned on to the frantic setting!  Parmentier’s made my day with a plate of wonderful food. It was truly a care package. Today is cold and clear. Megan will pick me up for breakfast and later we’ll do the fixing for dinner. Church was OK last night. I wasn’t feeling festive or religious. I went out of a sense of obligation. 

Day 303

My muscles felt the weeding and it felt good. I have cleared spaces to show for the effort. Today Hollie and I will shop for tomorrow: Christmas breakfast in Hiouchi and dinner here. Traditionally we have bacon and maybe a frittata early followed by roast haunch of musk ox, otherwise known as roast beef, roasted root vegetables and Megan’s desert. She plans to make apple things wrapped in dough. The dogs will play with Butters. All good family fun.

Day 302

Foggy again. I did get a walk yesterday and it made a huge difference to my mood and my body. It’s amazing and frightening how fast muscles forget with a few days inside. I know it’s another of those aging things. Today I’m going to pull weeds in the little yard since Rachel is gone. It is overgrown in places. Those darn avocado trees are trying to revive and the sprouts are already three feet high. I’ll tame them.

Day 301

Dense fog and I’m prepared to get out and walk before I get ready for senior center duty. Cabin fever needs to be cleared away. Walking benefits my whole self. There are a couple of errands that have been waiting for attention such as butter from the creamery and finding a calendar with the whole of 2015 so that I can mark off the days. That’s a habit from long ago. I enjoy watching the year progress with gratitude.

Day 300

Nine hours and thirty-three minutes of daylight. Yes, the Solstice, the birthday of the Sun. Soon we will notice the minutes of light coming back and the gloom will rise and disappear. I did restock the larder yesterday with produce for vegetable soup and that was all. The constant rain and wind seemed to seep inside and I curled up again. Television has its place on days like that. I am feeling careless about how I’m living my life.

Day 299

After being flat all day yesterday, I’m looking forward to at least going to the grocery store. Mother Hubbard’s cupboard looms. I need fresh food in spite of the rain and wind and not feeling chipper. I’ve read the paper, had my coffee, made the bed, made a grocery list and that is a good start. I could write today, or doodle in the paper journal, or tidy up a drawer or two. I simply must move more today.

Day 298

I did show up and stayed for duty. Not much else. Not planning on any big deals today. It’s Chris’ birthday. I would not have the blog or the book without her patient help. I’m grateful for her friendship. I’m looking forward to Kelle’s visit next week. She wants to make plans. I want to be spontaneous. We’ll compromise. She wants a list of chores to do. I’m happy to comply. Her help is welcome. She gets me moving.

Day 297

I pushed myself yesterday. Am I unwell or depressed or something else? So, clean floors including the porches, wet orchids, clean bathroom and kitchen, and no, I didn’t feel any better when I was finished. Hope to get out for a walk before it rains again. I will get to the senior center for duty and stay today. Sitting here doesn’t make a difference so I may as well show up and be useful. Avoiding people is not good.

Day 296

Hoping for physical and mental energy today. Yesterday I wrote that the episode in August with Karen B. running around yelling that I was missing got into my consciousness and has caused me to doubt myself. I wondered, If someone is losing it, do they know it? Did I exhibit behavior that would lead to the conclusion that I could get lost walking down the street? I need to let that go and know that I am just fine.

Day 295

Had to come home from duty yesterday. Just didn’t feel well. Slept well and this morning I’m making plans to get out for errands and a walk. I hope the good feeling lasts today. Hollie suggested that I plug in the light therapy box and use it as it has sat alone since I cleared the table for Thanksgiving dinner. And I need vitamin D. The crackling candle helps in the early dark. Guess I’m admitting to seasonal depression.

Day 294

I basically write this daily synopsis of my life to have a book at the end of the year. Yesterday I browsed the 77 word book and it’s surprising how the few words can bring back the memory in full. The books will mean more than the words by adding images like the latest one with Megan. It’s not that I think my life is so great, it’s more that I want a record of its ups and downs.

Day 293

Spent the day flat and with netti pot treatments, baby shampoo to clean my eyes, and vicks on the bottoms of my feet, I slept well and feel just fine. I have respect for Megan’s entrance into Humboldt. She has a schedule that looks brutal and she will handle it. Love the haircut and her confidence. I remember those days when I was teaching, and still in college. Meant long busy days. I knew I would get my degree.

day 292

Woke up feeling sick. Eyes glued shut. Achy chest. Sneezing and coughing. Darn it all. It’s clear and cold outside and I was looking forward to getting outside. Maybe not now with cold symptoms. Yesterday I had good conversations with two old and dear friends. It matters to me to keep in touch and know how my friends are doing. I have promised myself that I would write to out of town friends and have not done so yet.

Day 291

Yesterday was a good one. Mother Nature rampaged around and exhibited a spectacular menu of her abilities. The senior center was fun and full of laughing people. Today I’ll go to the breakwater and watch the sea throw itself up and over the top. A little shopping and that’s the whole agenda. I want to write a letter to the editor about the good things that happened at the board of sups meeting. The paper usually reports the opposite.

day 290

Things banged and blew around all night and the pressure changes made my ears feel weird. Poor Minnie spent the night in her cave, aka my closet. How do I explain that it’s outside and she is safe inside. Today I will go to the senior center for duty as one whole day inside is enough. I did have telephone conversation and paced but aside from the early morning foray into the wind, I sat and stared at television.

day 289

The birds are walking today. Too windy to fly. It’s a warm pineapple storm event with the humidity at uncomfortable levels. Walking is exhilarating and blows the cobwebs out of my brain. The board of sups meeting yesterday was long and interesting. I enjoy knowing the people involved and their part in our government. Today I’ll simply stay inside while nature rages her way from north to south. I can poke around and find a place to tidy up.

Day 288

Megan waited and anticipated the day she could finally register for classes at HSU and was frustrated by the red tape. Here’s hoping she gets it straightened out and on the road again. Both Hollie and I took longer than usual to get our degrees so she is following in our footsteps. Today is windy. Makes the first half of the walk more strenuous than coming home. I’ll sail with the wind at my back. A good day coming.

Day 287

I asked for anointing and prayer in church. I am not getting the upswing I need by myself so maybe Spirit will drop by and give me a lift. I want a walk this morning before breakfast. It’s a break in the rain followed by days of showers and rain. Need to get out when I can. Maybe I will take the dogs to the park later. Sure want dry days while Kelle is here. We have many plans.

day 286

I did get half a walk. I went to get dark chocolate. That’s what I wanted. The day was slow and I’m ready for an upswing. The energy line goes up and down like a roller coaster. I want to write another personal essay. I shared the one about what aging means to me and I will fill that one with examples. I want to add to the one I wrote about Gene and Wendell for the church newsletter. 

Day 285

Dr. E. says my retina is stable, no new tears or holes. I don’t have to go back for four months and then for a pressure check. I waited a long time in the office. It’s unusual as he runs a tight ship or an efficient assembly line operation. It took a long time for my eyes to recover. Today I’ll get out for a walk, and then play house. I enjoy simply straightening out cupboards, drawers, and closets.

day 284

I did get ¾ of my walk. Felt good. The day was full of people, conversation, and fun. Today is for appointments beginning with Tracy, the chiropractor, to straighten me out, and then Dr. E. for my annual eye exam. After that, I will just come home as it is difficult to see for a couple of hours. I like a day with people and activity. That’s why I’m looking around for a new volunteer placement for next year.

Day 283

My whole self felt tired yesterday. Except for lunch with Chris, I was flat. It’s disappointing to have a day with little movement. I did call Anthem about their pdp and directv about giving me a promotion to lower my bill. Aside from that it was movie day with lap dogs. Watched The Great Gatsby and Saving Mr. Banks. Both worth the time. Today I will push myself to at least walk around the block. I need daily exercise.

An aside

As I caparisoned shopped for a prescription drug plan, I encountered a representative who was chatty along with his information. I had my questions ready as it was the third place I called. His first ageist remark was, “Are you sure you are almost 80?” Yes, why? “You don’t sound that old.” How is 80 supposed to sound? After I collected the information I requested, I thanked him for his service. Second ageist remark, “It was my pleasure to talk with someone intelligent.” That’s when I asked him, Did you job description mention that you would be talking to medicare recipients? Weren’t you expecting to talk to old people? Guess what? Old doesn’t mean feeble or stupid. I know the conversation was recorded. I hope someone in a supervisory position listened.

The encounter brought up to me what it means to be an “old person.” I am grateful for gaining the wisdom to use my words in ways that state clearly what I want and need to be understood. I am softly giving up needs that don’t fit and embracing the empty place with simple pleasures. I don’t need to explain myself. No excuses need to be given and if I say NO to a request that is followed by a pregnant pause from the asker, I make no effort to fill in the blank. I have owned my history, owned my limitations comfortably and know where and how to use my energy, skills, and interests. Work on my personal attitudes and behaviors are  private conversations with God. I know how I would like to live my life and keep goals simple enough to maintain by myself. I have no unfinished dreams. Life as it is is satisfying. I am open to whatever comes next without expectations, anxiety, or anticipation. Just go along with the flow and trust the natural process, no pushing the river, no cloud castles, friends and tea and cookies, and meaningful conversation make life precious. That’s what aging means to me.

Day 282

It made my head tired and I didn’t get anywhere. Lots of phone calls that didn’t connect me with information. I may just give up and stick with what I already have. Something tells me that there is no bargain plan. In the end the cost will be the same no matter which plan I choose. Today will be a wonderful change with lunch with Chris at Sea West. Looking forward to her company along with the delicious food.

Day 281

Sorting papers looking for a receipt. I think I have a good filing system until I have to find a specific paper. Now I have categories clipped together in order and still didn’t find the one date and amount I need. So, I guess it’s phone time and the inevitable press 1, hold, etc. until I get a human to answer my question. All the insurance issues and premiums take up time and energy. I’d like to simplify it.

day 280

December begins. Darkest days. My woodwick candle crackles and dances, It feels alive like a fire in the cave chasing shadows onto the walls. Kelle comes on the darkest week and brightens the atmosphere with her energy and ideas. I have a list for us to accomplish while she is here. Today I’ll get a walk, distribute senior news, and put the down comforter on the bed. Cold nights are back. Big red coat is out of the closet.

Senior News

The holiday season is difficult for many of us. The crowded stores full of decorations, music, displays, and hurrying people can be overwhelming. Some of us, like me, no longer have to fill a gift list. There are no small children left and few relatives that share festivities. I stay away from photographs of past Christmases and the memories of excited youngsters tearing in the beautifully wrapped packages of specially selected gifts. It’s a time when I miss my own childhood and think fondly of my parents and their efforts for our holidays. It’s dark outside, short winter days and long cold nights. It’s time to bring out the arsenal for survival.

Put on some lively music and dance! It is impossible to be sad and in motion at the same time. Eat well. Remember the difference between self-care and self-indulgence. A recipe for depression is sugar, junk food, and TV.  Spend time in a way that feels good at the end of the day. Connect with phone calls, send e-mail, get interested in a new project, clean out the junk drawer, or read the biography. Take care of the body with massage, facials, pedicures, and make-up. Get a silly movie and laugh hard or a sad movie and cry hard. Tears are healing. Take a look through dresser drawers and throw out unmatched socks, stretched out underwear, stained shirts, all those clothes that take up space.

This year I am embracing the holidays.  It is easier to accept the inevitable than to fight it. I am making my home cozier –bright colored pillows, lighting scented candles such as cinnamon, apple, or pumpkin pie. To bring the season indoors, I am investing in small touches of the holidays—a snow globe, a pine cone, or a tiny live tree. I plan to keep something "cozy" on the stove -- soup or pot roast. Or something in the crockpot to stew away and scent my home. Or seasonal baked goods – sugar cookies, pumpkin pie or cider in a pot with cinnamon sticks, cloves, and orange peel. I like bath therapy with candles, music—and then slathering on cream before slipping into bed complete with brightly colored sheets and pillows.
When I'm in the dumps, I find that doing service, like volunteering, brings me a feeling of well-being.
I am getting out the rake to pile up some leaves. It gets the blood circulating, and it smells like childhood. I just might jump into the pile.
There is no benefit from simply reading this. Nothing moves until something moves.